| 015. the devil's advocate |
[13 Dec 2009|05:58pm] |
A reminder to all students as we begin finals: deals with demonic entities regarding one's grades are strictly forbidden by Neopolis Academy academic policy. As for my own courses, if I catch wind that any of my students has signed away anything in order to procure an A, I will be automatically failing them for not just the final, but the entire course, no questions asked, and will seek further disciplinary action at the schoolwide level, i.e. expulsion.
Further, as somewhat of an expert on the subject, please allow me to share a bit of wisdom that my years of experience have taught me: it is far easier to subjugate demons than it is navigate their fine print.
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| 014. lights out |
[02 Nov 2009|12:07am] |
[Filtered to faculty]
I find it difficult to believe that genetic mutation, even enhanced by various radioactive substances, could find a way to cause a human being to develop such a useless ability as light manipulation.
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| 013. the carrick ultimatum |
[31 Oct 2009|12:59am] |
A NOTICE TO ALL STUDENTS:
If either my office or my on-campus residence is egged, toilet papered, or otherwise targeted for any sort of vandalism tonight, there will be severe consequences.
Consider this your only warning.
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| 012. antichrist |
[30 Aug 2009|09:05pm] |
[immediately after this]
[Filtered to Theodora Endischee, Quintella Pid, Jennifer Lee, Nate NeFarious, Queenie Hero, Lance Crawford, Xiomara Sánchez, Anastasia Smirnova, i.e. people Carrick believes to be in the library - he's not up to date, some of these have left and others have possibly joined]
ATTENTION STUDENTS CURRENTLY IN THE LIBRARY:
Mr. Cainne, as you may or may not be aware, has been infected. He has also escaped. We will be attempting to restrain him. We will then move toward Madame Roux's location. You will meet Professor Endischee and myself by the second story staircase. If you do not comply, Lucullus has a very keen sense of smell and strong jaws. You will be made to comply.
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| 011. dawn of the dead |
[28 Aug 2009|10:57pm] |
ATTENTION STUDENTS:
If you have not already done so, please flee for your life. Thank you.
[Filtered to faculty]
You are occasionally a very stupid man, Zaccheus.
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| 010. scream |
[21 Jul 2009|12:51am] |
A NOTICE TO STUDENTS IN BLACK MAGIC THEORY AND/OR SUMMONING PRACTICUM:
Any robotic wailing machines brought into my classroom will be confiscated and summarily disposed of in a hell dimension of my choosing. Good luck with your assignments.
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| 009. the faculty |
[30 May 2009|04:43pm] |
ATTENTION NEOPOLIS ACADEMY STUDENTS (PARTICULARLY THOSE OF THE MAGIC AND GOTHIC FACULTIES):
The new trimester is almost upon us, and while I do hope the majority of you have already selected your classes, I thought it prudent to offer a bit of information to those who have not. This trimester I will be instructing two courses.
The first is Black Magic Theory II (Advanced Black Magic Theory). Similar to its predecessor, this course will combine both practical and academic matters. The advanced course will delve further into the laws and rules that govern the dark spectrum of the arcane, as various cultures have seen them throughout history, including a look at baseline views of dark magic, such as that presented in Kramer and Sprenger's Malleus Maleficarum. This course is offered primarily to those in the magic and gothic faculties; however, should students of the cape or science faculties be interested, I am open to working around an ability to perform magic. Similarly, Black Magic Theory I is not necessarily a prerequisite; however, any students who have not taken this course will be expected to prove their knowledge of basic black magic theory.
My new offering this semester is entitled Summoning Practicum; a more advanced version of this course will likely be offered in future trimesters. The course is intensively focused on actual summoning being performed, and therefore will only be open to those students who are able to perform summoning magic. Many of you are likely aware of my specialty as a demonologist; as such, the course will include the summoning of demonic minions. However, more mundane summoning will also be covered. The creation of objects out of the æther is an important skill for any budding magician. Theory will be covered only inasmuch as it aids students in understanding and therefore correctly performing summoning spells and rituals.
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| 008. the negotiator [THE FUTURE] |
[16 May 2009|01:26am] |
[Filtered to Theodora and students in 3063 - except Sandals]
Prof. Endischee is currently the process of arranging communication with your parents/guardians. For those of you who make the decision to travel to Venkaru, it is possible this will be your last opportunity to do so - there is no guarantee your PDAs will continue to work over intergalactic distances. Bear in mind, however, that the majority of you are, I imagine adults. Do not let yourself be coerced, by either your family or your friends. Make the choice yourself; do not let others make it for you. Do whatever your mind, heart, soul, or whatever combination of the three you hold most valuable tells you. That way, whatever decision you make will be the correct one.
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| 007. forbidden planet [THE FUTURE] |
[15 May 2009|03:00pm] |
ATTENTION STUDENTS OUTSIDE THE FORTRESS, 3063:
Think over your decision carefully. Consider my offer, and consider the consequences of refusal.
[Filtered to faculty]
As you may or may not be aware, Ms. Marsh's tampering with the systems behind the Fortress was met with extreme resistance, in the form of a nuclear explosion. The city is destroyed. We managed to escape thanks to Mr. Finn and his robot companion (whose sacrifice, might I add, was not particularly dramatic in that it had no actual life to sacrifice). The environment without the dome is extremely bleak.
However, we have made contact with a human of extraterrestrial origin. This individual's homeworld is evidently a paradise and he has offered to take us there. I myself will not be accepting this offer; my question to you collectively is whether I ought to attempt to convince the students under my care to refuse the offer as well. I understand that in this place I have no real authority over them; however, should rescue be at all feasible, I am given to understand that leaving earth would not be the most prudent course of action.
Background: all life on earth is evidently dead - certainly all human life and animal life, most likely plant life as well. Possibility of microbial life remains. We will not survive long. However: various hell dimensions are, I feel able to say, more pleasant than earth in 3063. Still uncertain about dimensional transport from an alternate dimension/future, but I am willing to take my chances. We would remain primarily in a hell dimension, returning to earth when/if necessary for transport home.
I understand several of you are in similarly or even more dire situations; to you I wish the best of luck.
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| 006. the departed [THE FUTURE] |
[07 May 2009|12:47am] |
ATTENTION STUDENTS IN THE FORTRESS, 3063:Find shelter, then report your approximate location immediately.
Also, please inform me if Lucullus is with you.
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| 005. super size me [THE FUTURE] |
[06 May 2009|01:02am] |
ATTENTION STUDENTS IN THE FORTRESS, 3063:We now have a small but, importantly, existing supply of food in the form of hardtack, supplied via spell by Prof. Endischee. This supply will be severely rationed by me personally. Since we do not know how long we will have to survive on it, we will attempt to survive on it for as long as possible. Please do not attempt to steal the hardtack from me while I am sleeping, because though I might slumber, Lucullus does not, and he will not be well-pleased if his only food supply, though it taste like ashes (as does anything which is not raw flesh), will happily make you into a food supply.
When we return, you are expected to thank Prof. Endischee on your hands and knees for saving your lives. Furthermore, the professor has assured me that in time we will be able to synthesis some sort of protein paste out of the materials present in the basement to supplement our diets. Finally, should it become necessary, I will attempt transdimensional travel and scavenge in one of the more pleasant hell dimensions.
Note: the shelves placed in the far right corner are there for a purpose i.e. privacy during washing/use of the bathroom. Please do not move them. Thank you.
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| 004. red dawn [THE FUTURE] |
[04 May 2009|11:59pm] |
ATTENTION STUDENTS IN THE FORTRESS, 3063:
Since our situation has changed drastically I am laying out ground rules once more.
- No one leaves for any reason without my permission.
- I will be setting up a watch system. From the hours of 12:00 to 8:00 AM, while the majority of other students are sleeping, two will remain awake and on watch. Each shift will be on duty for four hours. Lucullus and I will take both shifts tonight. Tomorrow night's first shift will be Mr. Aarons and Ms. Duncan, followed by Mr. Kagemusha and Ms. Deville on second shift. Further watches to be announced.
- As we are currently located in an unlit basement I have not yet made a full search. However, I will assume there is no food source to be found and that the replicators are unsafe to use. We will have to make raids to other locations to obtain rations. More information when I have formed a plan.
- As we are currently located in a basement I have designated the far right corner from the door (by the water spigot and hose) as the latrine. Please exercise respect with regards to your fellow student's privacy.
- The water spigot and hose in the far left corner from the door is for consumption only. Do not do your business here, please.
- Limit your water use. We do not know how much is available.
- Keep use of your PDAs to a minimum and shut them off when not in use. Do not use any other electronic devices.
- Should we return to the present alive, please remind me to include the dangers of robotics in my speeches re: end of the world.
[added after this]
If you come across any empty containers, particularly glass ones, please bring them to me.
[Filtered to faculty]
Please advise.
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| 003. the undiscovered country [THE FUTURE] |
[02 May 2009|06:24pm] |
ATTENTION STUDENTS STRANDED IN 3063:
I would like to lay down a few ground rules as it appears we will be here for some time.
- As the situations appears safe, I will not restrict your movements. However, I would like everyone who does not remain in my general vicinity to check in via this network every two hours (unless, obviously, you are asleep). Please include an approximate location.
- As Ms. Marsh has the best acquaintance with technology, which seems to dominate our current situation, I am appointing her my deputy. Please listen to her requests. Ms. Marsh, please seek me out at your soonest convenience for instruction.
- The location at which we arrived will serve as our central meeting point, should such be necessary. I have remained in the area and will continue to do so. I have my posted my muscae in the intersection; they will take up the guard at intervals, and there will always be one present. If you cannot contact me via the network, speaking to the musca on duty will be the best way to relay a message to me.
- A current lack of other living beings does not indicate a permanent lack. Please keep this in mind, both as a warning to be on your guard, and a reminder to demonstrate common courtesy. There is no reason to actively destroy what once were homes, and may again be in the future, for instance.
- 4a. Please also refrain from any gruesomely irresponsible large scale uses of magic or innate abilities that may rupture the fabric of the multiverse.
- I believe I have informed everyone of this, but if not: food will not be a problem. I'm sure that by now you have encountered many buildings in which you've found recesses set into walls; clearly speak the name of a food item you would like in the vicinity of one of these recesses, and it will appear. I have been informed that the effect is similar to one on the television series "Star Trek", if this helps anyone. I recommend the steak au poivre.
- Mr. Kagemusha, if you disturb my demons, there will be severe consequences.
- If anyone would like to keep Lucullus, my hellhound, entertained, I would be very appreciative. He gets frisky when on our plane too long. He's not dangerous, so long as you avoid startling him, or threatening me.
ATTENTION BLACK MAGIC THEORY STUDENTS:
I will have your exams graded as soon as possible. I apologize for the delay.
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| 002. the andromeda strain [THE FUTURE] |
[01 May 2009|10:50pm] |
[Filtered to faculty]
We are in some sort of domed city. My muscae say the dome is impenetrable. Flat terrain without, no identifying features. Temperature constant within, no wind, no weather. "Futuristic" only adequate adjective describing architecture. Robots. I have split the students into groups to explore buildings.
Theoretically I could attempt to travel through space and time as well as dimensions; however have never done this before and do not wish to make first attempt from uncertain location in all three categories. I would appreciate therefore if someone could figure out a way to bring us back post haste.
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| 001. the kid stays in the picture |
[22 Apr 2009|08:52pm] |
ATTENTION BLACK MAGIC THEORY STUDENTS:
As a reminder, the written portion of your final examination will take place ONE WEEK FROM TODAY, Wednesday, April 29th, 2008, at three o'clock P.M. in our ordinary classroom. If you have not yet signed up for a slot in which to attempt the practical portion of your exam during finals week, please do so as soon as possible. Sign-up sheets have been posted outside the classroom, as well as my office. You may also email me, if you so desire (as ever, jcarrick@neopolis.edu).
Further, in addition to my normal office hours this week, I will be holding a review session on Friday evening, time and place to be announced.
ATTENTION ALL NEOPOLIS ACADEMY STUDENTS:
During the May break I will be spending a week in Flæxellum, a particularly mild and nonviolent demonic plane, continuing my cartographic efforts there. Any students who wish to serve as a research assistant may submit a written application to me via email at jcarrick@neopolis.edu prior to the eighth of May. Please include your name, age, faculty, phone number where you may be reached, any relevant experience, and a brief essay (no more than five hundred words) on why you wish to be considered for the position. You will be compensated at the standard ELE interning wage in addition to the invaluable real-world experience you will receive. Asbestos-lined cloak will be provided.
-Dr. Carrick
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